


Talk Me Down

by TheYoungVeins



Category: Ghost Adventures (TV)
Genre: Also Aaron is a dumbass, Angst, Asexual Jay Wasley, Comfort, Extrovert Zak, First Kiss, For once Zak cares about someone other than himself, Ghost Adventures Crew, Grounding techniques, Hurt/Comfort, Introvert Jay, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Paranormal investigation, Pre-Relationship, Protective Zak Bagans, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Harm, Soft Jay Wasley, Supportive Zak, lockdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:40:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21816052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheYoungVeins/pseuds/TheYoungVeins
Summary: While on an investigation, Aaron notices particularly gory wounds on Jay's forearm. Mistaking them for the work of a malevolent demonic entity and to Jay's horror, he calls over the entire crew to inspect what are actually fresh self-harm injuries. Feeling exposed to his closest friends and overwhelmed by all the yelling and cameras, he's triggered into a particularly horrific panic attack.There seems to be only one person able to calm him. Luckily, Zak leads him outside and administers many grounding techniques to bring him back to reality. In Jay's hysterical state, he accidentally confesses more than he originally intended.
Relationships: Zak Bagans/Jay Wasley
Comments: 14
Kudos: 52





	Talk Me Down

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for clicking :) I've always thought Jay and Zak have had a sort of chemistry that goes unmentioned amongst Ghost Adventures fans. There isn't a single fic representing this relationship across A03, so I just wanted to toy with the idea. 
> 
> Please note that I briefly discuss many sensitive topics within this story. Trigger warnings include descriptions of self harm, an active panic attack, mental illness, and mentions of suicide.

Jay Wasley has always been one to blend in. He proudly considers himself a “behind the scenes” kind of guy. Even as a kid, he'd try out for the school play; but only to be an understudy, or a tech manager, or even helping with makeup backstage. He admired the bustling excitement and the pumping adrenaline, yet took comfort in being a safe distance from the spotlight. The world seemed to move so fast around Jay, and could sometimes be too much for him. He sincerely didn't mind being a polite audience member to his own life. Keeping to himself was a safe and familiar way to keep himself grounded. Intensity and forcefulness were foreign traits he had no desire to experiment with. Instead he merely observed things, thought at a complex level, and perceived the world and others in a beautifully pure and intricate way. He can read people like a motherfucker, but never ever called them out. Just the thought of confrontation made his heart pound in his chest and his stomach turn. He was continuously stuck in his own head, which was just about as lonely as it was peaceful. 

The pros and cons of what went on within him directly impacted his personality and behaviorisms. Sometimes, positively: he's visibly calm, respectful, and genuinely a good friend and nice guy. He’s gentle and sensitive; compassionate and empathetic. These perks of being an introvert are arguably what got him on the Ghost Adventures crew in the first place. However, even though the negative sides of his introspective nature are arguably in more abundance, they mostly go unnoticed by others because they're all neatly tucked away within Jay. The constant nervousness and self-doubt have spiraled into a nasty case of social anxiety, paired with a brutal manifestation of clinical depression. He's a victim of his own mind.

These thoughts have influenced Jay’s inward view of himself; every characteristic, every flaw, and how those might affect the way others perceive him. Ironically, the one person he had a distorted view of was himself. He viewed society and those within it as a complex system of relationships, interactions, and purpose; yet saw himself excluded entirely. Jay was simply watching from the sidelines; feeling as if he had no contributions towards anything. He was forced to live life on the inhale. Fight or flight was a taxing state to perpetually reside in; and he longed for any sort of release. His own conscious taunted him to the point where he struggled to find any relief in day to day life. Needless to say, this painful introspection formed an immensely unhealthy self image. When Jay looked in the mirror, he saw an unattractive, vile, unworthy, disgustingly overweight sad excuse for a human being. 

The cutting didn’t start until a desperate drunken night in August, after Jay’s first breakup. Hunched over his bathroom sink, razor in hand, he felt as if he was fading into his authentic self; the punishments becoming more frequent until it was all he was, and all he ever would be. It was cathartic in a sickly way; the initial pain allowing him to forget his continuous struggles. However, it was the aftermath of the sharp discomfort that Jay chased. Watching the thick blood drip down his forearm sparked an emotional numbness within him. His body surrendered, and he allowed himself to finally become in control. Jay had convinced himself it would be a one time occurrence, but over time, he found himself relying on his own self-mutilation in order to get through the days. Once he had crossed that line, any reason for cutting was justifiable and his all-purpose solution.

Of course, he would never open up about this to anyone, even his closest friends. Not Billy, not Aaron, and especially not Zak. He hid certain aspects of himself from the others. Jay joined the Ghost Adventures crew when the series was already successful, in its fourth season. Everyone on set immediately became protective of Jay; as he was the youngest and least experienced member. There was simply this sense of softness and vulnerability associated with him that people flocked to, safeguarding him as if he were a defenseless animal.

But there was one person especially fond of Jay, coincidentally the leader of the entire crew: Zak Bagans. To Zak, Jay stood out from the rest of the crew members. He was a sweetheart, always going out of his way to impress him. His outstanding work allowed him to climb up the ranks from audio-tech, all the way to paranormal investigator. Ultimately, Nick Groff’s withdrawal from the project marked Jay’s debut as a significant role in the series. At first, he was horrified when his duties slowly increased to where he was required to be on camera. Nonetheless, he toughed it out to avoid disappointing Zak. There was no contractual obligation for Jay to work long nights enhancing and analyzing evidence, reviewing and editing footage, or even inventing and building his own ghost hunting gear. Of course, he was after the inherent satisfaction of excelling at his craft. But more than that, he was after Zak’s praise.

There was just something about him that Jay was drawn to. He knew Zak could be a bit much, but there was a charm to him that lit up a room. The strong character traits Zak possessed weren’t compatible with many personality types. What Jay thought was endearing, the others often rolled their eyes at. Billy and Aaron complained about his mannerisms and oddities; claiming his theatrics were overdramatic and sometimes even laughable. But Jay was fond of Zak’s quirks. He thought it was cute. His reflective monologues and tangents weren’t annoying, they were poetic, and hell, even romantic. He thought highly of him and his approval was everything.

Jay genuinely enjoyed working on the show. It took his mind off a lot. The connections he’s made with his co-workers is the saving grace in his otherwise fruitless life. It’s a first for him to have so many people around him cheering him on; unbounded by nothing else but an enjoyment of each other’s company. They were all passionate about the Ghost Adventures mission, and sincerely cared for every member. They were a family.

This fondness on set has significantly benefited Jay’s headspace. He feels needed, and welcome. But the nights still get long, his mind still gets restless, and he reverts back into old habits often.

Just like tonight. They’re on location in Wingdale, New York, investigating Harlem Valley Psychiatric ward. It’s a pretty typical set up: Jay running to get coffee at some sketchy gas station, before taking the long route back to location, where Zak is undoubtedly pestering locals into interviews. Billy won’t stop rambling about some new “groundbreaking" equipment he had bought online; Aaron nodding along and pretending he had the attention span to listen about the mechanics of a device he didn’t understand.

The banter is comforting, but Jay’s mind is elsewhere. It’s been a rough day so far. He almost never cut on set or before an investigation, but he convinced himself today was an exception. Once that thought crossed his mind, the anticipation only built until he was convinced he needed it in order to get through the night ahead, and there was no alternative. The whole crew can tell he’s a little under the weather today, so he’s assigned to operate nerve center. He’s relieved whenever he doesn’t have any solo investigations planned; although they were often spur of the moment decisions suggested by Zak or Aaron.

Not having proper gauze on hand doesn’t stop him from slipping away when the crew goes out to grab snacks. He was typically always prepared when he self-harmed; making sure he doesn’t get caught, cleaning and wrapping his wounds, giving himself time to come back to reality to avoid any suspicion. But today, he was forced to make it quick. Simply a few slices to his left arm until he’s comfortably numb, a sloppy clean up job, and throwing on his signature black zip up hoodie (even though it was the middle of summer). Not his best work, but he felt himself relaxed enough to join his friends again, and prepare for the investigation as the sun set.

* * *

“Is that a new earring, Jay? I love it,” Zak hums casually as he fiddles with the Mel Meter back at nerve center. It’s late into the night, and they’ve only received some subpar auditory evidence. This place is a bust. Each member often comes and goes, checking in at home base before venturing out in different directions. They had a lot of ground to cover and time to kill.

Jay just nods and blushes, keeping his eyes focused on the monitors. Billy had convinced a drunken Jay that earrings on men were still in style. His poor judgement coupled with being convinced he would look like Justin Timberlake compelled Jay to agree. Thinking it looked dumb, he was about to simply let the piercing grow shut until one day, Zak complimented him on it. He’s worn them every day since.

Zak comes to sit next to him, squeezing his shoulder. The comfortable silence overcomes them as they watch a few of the monitors in childlike hope that they might catch some visual proof of the supernatural. Jay would normally be squirming, sitting close enough to Zak that he can feel his hot breath on his neck. Luckily though, he’s still in a zen state from cutting earlier. His eyelids feel heavy. Usually the energy of these awful places were enough to keep him on edge, being a sensitive to the paranormal, but he was numb at the moment.

There’s stationary cameras rolling in every room; Billy wandering the hallways, and Aaron in the hospital’s basement. The same cliche applied to this psychiatric ward just like all the others; rumors of a demonic entity driving patients into further madness. During interviews, former nurses spoke of a strong male presence and negative energy within the western wing and lower levels. The spirits have been said to scratch their victims. After hearing different variations of the same story hundreds upon hundreds of times, Jay was weary believing anything fame-hungry people will say to be on television.

From nerve center, Zak and Jay watch as Aaron suddenly jumps in fright and promptly turns to the camera in excitement.

“Did you catch that? Dude, that was totally a figure,” He gasps, wide eyes looking from the corner where the alleged figure made an appearance, back to where he knows Jay is watching at nerve center. A cue to enhance and review the livestream footage.

Zak watches over his shoulder as Jay zooms in and replays a small clip; and sure enough, there’s a black mass roll across the corner of the screen. They’ll have to investigate further to see if it can be debunked; but of course, Zak seems to think it’s pretty compelling. He radios in for the team to meet back to regroup to review whatever Aaron captured on EVP or his personal camcorder. He may be jumping the gun, but Jay doesn’t protest since he loved to see Zak so excited.

Aaron is already all riled up from the apparition, Billy right behind him with the camera. This was Jay’s least favorite part of the investigation: when they potentially get some evidence and everyone is yelling over one another enthusiastically. He fancied the more peaceful moments. It’s nice to see so much…passion, but nerve center often descended into giddy chaos, and the noise was too much.

Jay tunes out most of their yelling; pulling back as they all roar and celebrate over the anomaly, all crowding around Aaron’s camcorder. He normally disassociates in these moments. They’re all high-fiving when Aaron says something that makes him turn cold.

“Oh my god, Jay, there’s blood on your hoodie,” He whispers, and the group immediately goes silent and turns their attention to him, crowding his personal space. “Your arm, let me see it,” Aaron orders, yanking a wide-eyed and paralyzed Jay closer to him. The things they’re willing to do in attempt to capture evidence astounds him. “Dude, the spirits have been KNOWN to scratch people here! Lemme see,”

“N-no, it’s nothing,” Jay protests, feeling tears begin to well in his eyes. They don’t listen. He feels like he can’t breathe as Aaron and Billy cram closer in attempt to pull up his left hoodie sleeve. Billy chimes in about how its fresh blood, and how this could be the most compelling physical demonic attack they’ve ever seen manifest on camera. Zak looks more concerned than excited, a few steps away as he watches the scene while shifting nervously, trying to lock eyes with Jay in attempt to calm him down.

Jay’s face is bright red, and he’s never been this panicked and emotional around the guys. This show and this set was his home; and if the guys know something this personal about him will change the entire dynamic. The way they see him and interact with him. To them, he’ll no longer be Jay. Now, he’s simply the fragile, weak, pathetic, suicidal loser he has been and always will be. There’s no more pretending.

“Please stop, guys. Guys, please-” Jay chokes out; as it takes Billy restraining him and Aaron pulling up his hoodie to finally reveal four gory self-harm slashes deep in his upper forearm, still bleeding and untreated, festering under the fleece hoodie.

Suddenly, everyone is screaming again. Jay can hear his own heartbeat; ears ringing and thoughts racing. “Oh dear god, can you get the camera on this?” Aaron screams, the whole crew swarming him. The thought of the camera capturing and documenting this moment really sends Jay into overdrive; a full on panic attack as he begins to hyperventilate to the point where he’s full on sobbing.

A horrifying realization begins to settle over the crew; the timelines not adding up right. Jay hasn’t done any solo investigations tonight. So out of all of them, why would be be attacked from nerve center nonetheless? Upon further inspection, the cuts seem medical and practiced; perfectly spaced apart, horizontal lines up his forearm. But what really gives it away is the dozens of healed scars just like them underneath and around the wounds, seemingly on top of one another. These lacerations are now, quite obviously, self-inflicted.

Unfortunately, Aaron is the last to realize, and he won’t shut up as Jay practically crumbles to the floor. Billy gives Zak an apprehensive look.

“Would you shut the fuck up? Get off him,” Zak finally snaps, leaning down to gather Jay in his arms. Overwhelmed and shaking, Jay clings to the fabric of Zak’s shirt; shaky hands digging into his back. On instinct, he buries his face into his chest. No amount of embarrassment was greater than the comforting warmth of the older man’s chest. He felt safe.

An awkward silence fills the room after Billy has to whisper to Aaron what was actually going on. He immediately goes pale and covers his mouth with his hand, feeling instant remorse and guilt.

“C’mon, Jay. Let’s get some air, alright?” The dark haired man mumbles protectively, shooting Aaron a hostile glare as he assists Jay to the exit. Soft brown eyes peer up at him helplessly. Right now, he’s his hero. “I need you to breathe, Jay. I’m right here,” Zak soothes quietly, leading him outside to the curb.

The night is warm and the breeze is heavenly. Stars shine high over head; the sky basking in a warm light purple as it prepares for the sun’s arrival. The wind on Jay’s face coupled with his nervousness gives his cheeks a rosy glow.

Zak leaves a large hand on his thigh, muscular palm resting on the worn denim of Jay’s jeans. His thumb rubs his knee in little comforting circles. Jay’s breathing is now reduced to short hiccups, holding onto Zak’s hand with a death grip.

“Hey. Really, Jay, I need you to relax for me,” He hushes, giving his hand a little squeeze. He turns over his own forearm, revealing one of his favorite tattoos. _Denn Die Toten Reiten Scnell_ : a German quote from Bram Stoker (and a song from the 90’s), meaning “for the dead travel fast”. Zak moves Jay’s hand so he can begin to trace the dark block letters in attempt to ground him.

“I’m so sorry, Z, I just…” Jay mumbles, trembling through short breaths. He won’t make eye contact. “I never wanted you to see me like this,” He sniffles quietly.

Zak shushes him, reaching up to softly brush the hair out of the smaller man’s eyes, tucking the light brown curls behind his ears for him. “Don’t apologize,”

Jay shakes his head. “You and the guys already do so much for me, and now you have to deal with THIS. With…me. It’s too much to ask of someone. Of anyone,” He twirls his finger around Zak’s dog-tags, enjoying the soft metallic sound.

“You’re worth it, dumbass,” Zak chuckles lightly, pulling Jay a little closer when he feels how bad his heart is still racing. That gets a muffled laugh out of Jay as he wipes at his eyes. “You shouldn’t hurt yourself like this, Jay,”

Jay tries to take some deep breaths, closing his eyes. This is what he wanted to avoid at all costs. “I want it to all go away sometimes, Zak. How can you tackle the world with such confidence? Looking at someone like you, I wonder why I even bother with it all. Why does the world need someone like me? When it’s already filled with extraordinary folks like you? Wonderfully talented, and smart, and funny, and _handsome-_ ”. Even Jay catches himself off guard with that last one. His face gets redder and he feels his eyes go teary yet again. Finally, the embarrassment begins to set in.

He attempts to stand and turn’s away from Zak’s worried gaze, sniffling. “I-I gotta go,” He stammers, gently pulling away from the older man. Everything is ruined, and he just needs to get away. To slip away back to the motel, or anywhere else, and cut himself until he was bleeding so much that he couldn’t grip the razor properly.

Zak stares, large blue eyes looking upset. The moonlight shines against his hair; highlighting the warm brown tones. He pauses, holding onto Jay’s arm tightly. He’s not letting him leave like this, that’s for sure.

It feels like the world stops. In one swift motion, Zak cups Jay’s face in his hand as he tugs him closer by his shirt collar and presses his lips to Jay’s firmly. He feels Jay nearly gasp, squeezing his forearm to steady himself. It’s a little clumsy at first, but once the smaller man relaxes and melts into it, the uncoordinated kiss turning into something beautiful and tender.

Zak shifts to get a better angle, passionately sucking at Jay’s lower lip. Jay’s overcome with the scent of the older man’s cologne, breathing in the ocean off his skin. All of his senses are heightened and exaggerated; overly stimulated in the best way. Gradually he feels himself become grounded and in control once again.

Drawing back slowly, Zak’s facial expression softens with affection. Fond light blue eyes tentatively assess Jay’s reaction. His crooked smile seems to be a good sign. Jay’s surprised, sure, but this has been something they’ve both wanted (and needed) for years. His body and mind are overcome with relief.

“Jay, when I look at you, I see…everything. It kills me that you can’t see your own brilliance,” Zak whispers softly, allowing Jay to relax into him. “But I know it’s not that easy. I’ll help you through it,” He reassures, shutting his eyes lightly as they lean back and watch the sky ablaze with a pale orange. The stars retreat and time fades away until Zak is reaching out to help him to his feet.

“Thank you, for everything,” Jay whispers, hanging onto Zak’s hips. “M sorry I ruined the investigation. And I think I probably broke Aaron,” He chuckles, leaning in to rest his head on the taller man’s shoulder. Zak rests his chin atop Jay’s head, one large hand rubbing up and down his spine.

“Does this mean you’re my boyfriend now?” Zak grins cheekily, teasing him as he begins to cover him in kisses. A giggle escapes Jay as he ducks into his chest, blushing and mumbling a _yes_. “You don’t know how much I’ve been waiting to ask that,” He adds, messing up the shorter boy’s hair.

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” Zak reminds him after a long period of silence, glancing down at his forearm before turning to lock eyes with him once more. The worst day of Jay’s life has morphed into his happiest one. He hugs Zak for a very long time as they stand in a hidden parking lot within some no-name town; the two blissfully swaying as the sun rises.

It would be a long road to recovery, but Zak had an ability to ease Jay’s pain. There were so many years worth of buildup and internalized denial and questioning and the desire to just _know_ that reached a peak in that moment.

Jay feels a weight lifted off his shoulders; a long anticipated new beginning approaching.

**Author's Note:**

> This is not based on any episode or season in particular. The Ghost Adventures crew HAS been to Wingdale, but not to the mentioned location.
> 
> Thank you for reading :)


End file.
